Why Post?

It's pretty obvious that I am terrible at updating my blog. In fact, it's been too long since I've typed anything. I've spent the last few weeks really diving into many other blogs, and I think I have found a few reasons why I don't post hardly ever:

1) I am not a scholar
-As a student, I find it difficult to state that I "know" something as fact, when the truth is that I am still learning and developing my beliefs, ideas, and passions. While some blogs are personal journals, I am not one to share my every thought. I may post on a topic, but part of me is worried that I will sound arrogant (a fault I struggle enough with, believe me), and that I will only fuel fires and create arguments.

2) I bury most of my thoughts
-Yes, its true. I carry my struggles, pains, disagreements, and emotions like a 2 X 4 on my back, and it's usually when I can't carry anything else that I finally let it all out (this is usually directed at one person, who most of the time is not at fault). Blogging is not a form of venting for me, although I could easily turn it into one. But that wasn't the intention of this blog. I hoped to discuss issues with friends, classmates, and maybe even professors. I don't want everyone to know my inner-most thoughts, and I'm just not built to share my struggles, except for a few close friends, I shut most people out.

3) I'm scared to death to have an opinion
- This is the real kicker: I am at IWU, where I am surrounded by biblical scholars, philosophy gurus, and all-around geniuses. I am not any of these. In fact, I am pretty honest and blatant, a personality trait that is not looked at as a "positive trait". I speak my mind, and try to act as though I could care less what others think. The truth is, I know that my thoughts and beliefs will be subjected to severe punishment at times, if i happen to post them. While this will help me, I just don't want to be seen as an idiot. The fact is, I am trying. I discuss with professors, I read, I even do what I can to expand and get additional information on certain topics in class. But a part of me is terrified to find out that I can't hold my own around some CM majors. This is the heart of why I don't post.

Ok, so maybe that didn't explain anything. And maybe for the first time, I'm sharing whats really on my heart. I guess it's a start right? Maybe from now on, I won't worry so much about what others are thinking, or about how I will be perceived. Maybe I will post without fear, only to find that I do have a solid grip on Theology and Philosophy. Or maybe I will just realize that this is who I am, come hell or high-water. And maybe, just maybe, I'll learn to enjoy that about myself.