The Role of Integrity

I've heard it said that integrity is "who you are when no one is looking." Fine. So, do I look at porn? Am I the same person by myself than I am when surrounded by people? Do I wear masks? These are all black-and-white situations, as for most people, are a great way to give a false sense of integrity. No, I don't look at porn. Yes, I am the same person alone and with people. I've been really confronted with some situations these past few weeks that have shown me the "gray areas" of integrity, and who I really am. These situations have also given a whole new insight into the role of integrity; but first, I believe that I probably should give some new insights into what integrity is or isn't:

1) Integrity is NOT perfection.
So many times I have called my own integrity into question because I have stumbled, or have made a mistake. It's not the fact that I screw up, but rather what I do as a result of that mistake that defines my integrity. Do I strive to correct that wrong action, aiming not to make the same mistake twice?

2) Integrity is not about YOU.
Sounds strange, but I believe it is true. So many times I hae looked at myself to see if I am developing personal integrity, rather than looking at how I treat others, what they need, and how the actions of others affect me to really know if I have integrity. Confused? Let me give a few examples- in the past few weeks, a good friend of mine has been steadily growing closer to another friend of mine. When the "relationship" kind of became official, I was overjoyed. Finally, both of my friends are with people I know are good for one another, and will treat each other with respect and devotion. While I am happy for both of them, I also realize tha this narrows the already short list of single guys besides myself that will be sitting around feeling sorry for one another come V-Day! Do I focus on that, or my happiness for the two of them? This, in my heart, is the crucial portion of integrity in my life. And, I'm glad to say, is one test I passed.

There is one other example that I'm not so sure I did pass though. As a misnomer, let me just state that relationships and Jason do NOT go well together. Either I'm an idiot, and mess it up, or I am so high that I can't help but be rejected, whichever of the two, relationships are a series of failures in my life. But, as any guy does, I still keep hope. Ok, back to the sitation. I am the kind of guy that pursues one person, not 10, and I'm fairly forthcoming to that person. When that particular person comes to me for dating advice, do I give them advice that puts me in an advantageous situation, or do I give the advice I know they need, even if it means waving "bye-bye" to any hope of more than friendship? Now that, my friends, is a question of integrity! Like I said, I'm not sure if I passed the test or not. I tried to give the best advice, but did I seperate my feelings from the conversation? Probably not. This tells me that there could have been even better advice I could have given.

3) Integrity is not always people-pleasing.
So I just explained that integrity is not about you, and now I'm saying that integrity is not people-pleasing. This leaves only one option: pissing someone off. I know I pass this test! What if the best advice or statement you make to someone is one that you know might drive a wedge in your friendship? Do you speak the truth they need to hear, or do you preserve the good relationship you have with them? Once again, who's more important here? This is integrity.

So integrity in not just "who you are when no one is looking." In fact, I would say that integrity is "who you are...period!" The role it plays in my life is that it IS my life. It directs every decision, every thought, every emotion.

What do you think? Am I full of it, or is there truth to my interpretation of integrity? I'm looking forward to hearing your responses.